Monday, May 10, 2010

You might be a Redneck if...

Here's some You might be a Redneck if... jokes from my favorite Comedian of all-time, Jeff Foxworthy:

Your hood ornament used to be a bowling trophy

You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time

The strongest smell in your house is butane

Your fire marshall bans you from barbecuing

You've totalled every car you've ever owned

You've belched while delivering an eulogy

You've hidden a controlled substance in a maternity bra

All your wall decorations have horns

There is not room for one more bumper sticker on your car

Your pawnshop sends you a christmas card.

All your tupperware is old butter containers.

You keep an "emergency pack" of Marlboros duct taped under your dashboard

You made a cheat sheet for a hunter safety test.

You move to another state so you can buy beer on Sundays.

Your duck call turns your wife on.

You have eight cars and still have to bum a ride to work

You keep a bottle opener in the shower.

You finally mow the lawn and discover two cars.

Your Front porch furniture includes a fridge with a church-key chained to it.

The death of your Coon-Dog creates a 20 car funeral procession.

Your daughter has 'GMC' permenently-Embossed on her forehead.

You have four cars that won't roll and a home that does.

Your Mother uses Hoppe's for perfume.

You have ever climbed a water tower with a bucket of paint and a brush to defend your sisters honor.

You regularly give away free puppies.

You've ever picked up a woman at a convenience store.

People are afraid to touch your bathrobe.

You use a piece of bread as a napkin.

You've ever written your resume on a cocktail napkin.

The most comfortable seat in your home is the commode.

Neighbors come to you for tire swing advice.

Your cigarette lighter is your stove.

Your satellite dish has more square footage than your home.

You've ever urinated from a moving vehicle.

You always use tape to hem your pants.

Every time you go to Vegas, you come home pregnant.

You know your daddy's C.B. handle, but not his real name.

Direstions to your house include "turn off the paved road."

You've touched up your truck's paint with a Sharpie.

You have more tattoos than teeth.

You can take off your bra while driving.

You plead the fifth at a marriage counseling session.

You run out of beer and your friends go home.

Turning on your lights involves pulling a string.

You've belched while saying "I love you."

Your wedding ring changes colour according to your mood.

1 comment:

Australian Satirist said...

“You've belched while saying "I love you." Love it!